


There's a difference between liking me and loving me

by Cinder7storm4



Series: Theodosia Barba Drabbles [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Barba has a kid, Barba's daughter, Barisi (background), Dad Barba, Gen, It's a minor plot point, Self-Esteem Issues, Talking, important but minor, inspired by that one scene in ladybird, parenting, seriously, teenage daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinder7storm4/pseuds/Cinder7storm4
Summary: Barba confronts his daughter, Theo about some things she said while under the influence of pain meds. A difficult conversation ensues.





	There's a difference between liking me and loving me

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this instead of prepping for my lecture tomorrow. It's a drabble that I'll hopefully polish up at some point. 
> 
> *Yes, these drabbles are kind of loosely connected. 
> 
> I do not own Law and Order: SVU.

When Theo walked in the door at 6pm she hadn’t expected to find her papa home, but he was. 

Rafael Barba had taken off his suit jacket and his tie upon coming home early in preparation for a conversation with his daughter. He refused to call it a confrontation in his head. 

“Who died?” joked Theo awkwardly, standing in front of the closed door, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. 

When her papa didn’t respond immediately with a quip of his own Theo’s eyes widened slightly, maybe some had actually died. 

Raf saw her panic and shook his head, “No one died, Theo.”

“So, what’re you doing home early?” Theo toed off her shoes and hung up her coat, making her way to the kitchen. Raf got up from the dining room table to follow her, leaning on the counter, tracking her movements. 

“Is it really that rare?” Raf asked aloud unintentionally. 

Theo hummed, “Yeah, but I mean you do you right? Is Sonny coming over, because I can make more food? I still need to thank him for last week too.”

Raf wanted to marvel at her. Her sheer distraction from herself. Her focus on him and his life. How had he never seen it before? 

“Theo,” he said, trying to get her attention. She continued to putter around the kitchen, “Theo!” he said again, more sharply than he intended. She froze immediately. He hated that reaction. It made him want to curl up into a ball and sob. He could only imagine what she was feeling. 

“Or I go to Katie’s for the night, if you need a break or something. Yeah, we have a science project that could use some…” before she could finish rambling her papa came up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. She stopped talking, unsure of what was going on. 

Raf was trying to stay focused, but something she’d said bothered him, “Why would I need a break from you?”

Theo wouldn’t meet his eyes and she pulled away from his semi-embrace, “It’s cool. I just - ”

“Theodosia, answer me, please.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She still wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

“Go to the living room please, take a seat. I’ll be with you in a moment.”  
Theo did as she was told. Raf scrubbed his face with his hands, this was more difficult than he anticipated. 

In the living room he noticed she was curled up in a corner of the couch, at least as much as her bruised ribs would allow, biting her lip, a nervous habit she’d picked up although Raf couldn’t say when it had started or why. He sat down on the couch too, but far enough away that he wasn’t crowding her. The last thing he wanted to do was unintentionally intimidate her. 

“Theo,” he prodded, “Do you have an answer to my question?”  
She tried to shrug it off, flashing him a quick, fake smile, “I just figure it’s probably not the easiest thing to have a teenager and a career like yours so,” she just fluttered her hand.

“If that’s all why didn’t you say that in the kitchen?” Raf asked, eyes narrowing slightly, realizing that in essence he’d be cross-examining his daughter over the next few minutes. 

Theo shrugged again. “What do you want?” Theo asked, still determinedly not looking at her father. 

“I want to talk to you, about last week.”

“I already gave a statement.”

“I know. I don’t want a statement from you Theo. I want to talk about the hospital.” 

At the word hospital, her eyes flicked up to him briefly. “What about it?”

Raf wasn’t sure if he knew where to start, so he decided to dive right into it, “You tried to sign yourself out — while under the influence of some heavy pain meds. You told the staff that no one was going to come for you. That your family was too busy.”

Theo’s breath caught at her papa’s words. She remembered saying things — but her memories were fractured, muddled by the pain meds she’d been dosed with to counteract the pain of her severely bruised ribs. 

“I was on pain meds,” she whispered.

“Theo, when you woke up the first thing you did was ask me why I was there.”

“I, I was out of… I just” she struggled to find a reason to explain away her actions.

“Sweetheart, why wouldn’t I be there for you when you get hurt?”

Theo was torn. She wanted to speak the truth but she also wanted the conversation to end. Unfortunately, her choice was taken from her when her papa continued speaking, “Does it have something to do with you telling Sonny that ‘you know I love you, but I don’t like you,’ Theo?” Her papa’s voice sounded small, sad, and broken. She’d known that she’d said something of the kind, but she’d been kind of hoping that Sonny had been a hallucination. Apparently, not. 

“It’s okay,” Theo said quietly.

Her papa drew in a ragged breath, “What did you say?”

Theo squared her shoulders to look him in the eye, “It’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from me — you don’t have to like me.”

Raf looked at her in absolute pained confusion. “What have I done to you?” he whispered, going closer to her, but not touching her, “What put that idea in your head?”

“I mean you sent me away after mom left,” Theo started talking, intending to keep her story short, but then she picked up steam, “and I get that, because we were both messes, but then you didn’t want me back. Then I came back and you never came home if you could avoid it. I mean I wouldn’t want to be around me, because I look just like her and that’s got to suck. Then you met Sonny, and I was so happy because you were happier and you had someone to love… I mean I just put together the facts” she rushed at the end, seeing her papa’s eyes pool with tears, “Papa? It’s okay. I promise” she smiled, another brittle, fake grin that broke his heart. Theo put out a hand to reassure him, but Raf pulled her into a hug instead, being extremely mindful of her ribs. 

“Oh my god, Theo,” he whispered, “No, sweetheart, no. It’s not okay.” 

When he pulled back from the hug, her eyes were confused and a little fearful, “It is, it’s…” 

He held up a hand, “It’s not fine. Sweetheart, you are my world. My whole world. I love you more than you know — which considering this conversation doesn’t sound like much, but I swear, I love you. I like you too. You’ve grown into this strong, selfless, young woman who I like very much and,” his voice cracked, “who I’ve obviously missed growing up.” 

He had so many regrets in that moment. All of the late nights when he didn’t go home until the early hours of the morning so he wouldn’t have to face the epitome of sunshine that was his daughter. He had failed her. He had broken down and sent her to boarding school — he’d abandoned her just like her mother had abandoned them. But, Theo, she was not one of his regrets. 

“I have never wished that you weren’t part of my life, God, Theo. You are the most important person in the world to me,” he grasped her hands, her gaze guarded now, “and I’ll do whatever I can to prove that to you, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life. I love you. I like who you are. Please believe me.”

And in that moment, Theo let herself hope that maybe her papa was telling her the truth.


End file.
